The Last DEAR JOHN Letter

Recently I was contacted by an ex that had the potential to be a lifelong friend but fucked it up with that last text he sent me suggesting that he and I do something that could potentially harm my marriage before it even began! I hadn't heard from him for months after that text and I was so wrapped up in my preparations to get married that I didn't have a chance to fully digest the demise of our relationship. I mean, this man has had such an impact on my entire writing career! And to this day he insprires me. I just wish it wasn't such a negative source. The fact that I allowed him to disrespect me for so long is what hurts me more than anything but I turned that hurt into words which later became books so I wish him nothing but the best in his life. As for going forward, I personally want nothing to do with him anymore.

This is the last letter I wrote to him. I'm posting the words because I need to remind myself that I have closed this chapter of my life. I don't want him to think that he can come back AGAIN as he's done so MANY times over the years. Either I would bring him back to me or he would find me. I need this to be over for good. I know my writing will change but I'm praying that without his influence, my writing will improve.

God bless.
Lm...

(I won't say his name. I'm trying to stop disrespecting the privacy of others.)

Dear _____,

Whether you give a damn about me or not, do not EVER try to contact me. Not at my home, not online, not EVER. You have hurt me so deeply that I never want to see or hear from you again. I'd much rather keep a positive yet distant memory of you than the ones you left me with. What hurt the most is that as much as I loved you it wasn't enough for you to want me back. Yes, I wanted to marry you and raise our children* together but you kept playing games but what cut me the deepest was when you suggested we get a hotel room and you implied that my fiance (now Husband) would cheat on me at his bachelor party. As much as that hurt, it cut deeper because that let me know that if you and I were getting married that YOU would do that! That is NOT how you begin a loving and faithful marriage! It was bad enough that I met with you to comfort you after your mom passed without telling him first. That was my mistake but I didn't want him to stop me from seeing you. Despite the aftermath, I'm glad I got to see you that last time. I would've been content with that night as our final memory together even though we didn't sleep together. I know you wanted to but to be honest, I had no sexual feelings for you after the last two times we had "sex".** I'd never been so unsatisfied by you and I was too in love with him to hurt him. Considering our past, I can't blame you for trying but what kind of woman would I be if I'd cheated on him? Would you be there to pick up the pieces of my broken heart? Why start now when you weren't there before when YOU broke my heart so many times!

I deleted your Facebook friend request. I closed my MySpace page. I deleted all your texts, phone numbers and birthday reminders for you, your mom and your sons. What more do I need to do or say to make you realize that you've hurt me too much and I love me too much to let you continue? I'm not trying to hurt you so PLEASE stop hurting me!!

Whether you ever loved me or not, I pray you will be a better man for the next woman and stop playing games. I don't hate you but I don't love you enough to keep you in my life. Our time is done. I've moved on. Now it's your turn.

Good luck & God bless.
L.

P.S. If losing me was part of your game, You WON!!

*and don't forget I gave your baby that we created up so that you could have a better life!

**for the record I haven't slept with anyone since I met him (my Husband). I'm not keeping you on the side so don't ask or think about it!


Now, after I reread the letter a few times, my anger levels dropped. Karma has been good to me and so far things are beautiful with my husband and me and I didn't want to disturb my peace so I wrote this last page.

_____,
Now that I've let that anger out and I feel better, I apologize if I hurt you and I thank you for letting me go. Thanks to you I see how blessed I am to have my husband. Thanks to you I see that there is someone out there for everyone, even me. I thought you were that one but in your own way you made it clear that it wasn't you. I was too blind from my love for you to see that! Thank you for everything you've done for and to me. I very much appreciate the lesson I have learned from you. May God continue to bless you in all that you do.

L.

© 2009 Lea Mishell. All Rights Reserved